bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
