my room smells like sperm. sweet.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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