I think im going to throw up on grandma
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
