our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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