I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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