so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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