two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
