a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize