I wannas sexs uuuuu
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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