At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
