dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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