I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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