Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I can't trust your balls anymore.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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