I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I wish i was in the wii world.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you inspire me to be a worse person
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
