"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We were destined to go to rehab together
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize