I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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