we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
