Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
