i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
