I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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