You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
