Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize