So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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