it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
