he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize