the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
