so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
