I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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