just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
