If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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