Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
