You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
