I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
