I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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