Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I faked an abortion last night.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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