Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize