Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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