Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
