Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize