So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
