when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Green mimosas i think yes
you had me at cake vodka
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
