it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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