Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
