I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
