I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
