I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
