i jhust puked up my retainher.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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