Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
