At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
