I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
