By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
