I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
