I cockslap morals
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
