You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize