my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
