She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
