well I can't set my house on fire every night
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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