dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Randomize
