I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
