i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
