I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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