when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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