I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
