glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
