I just threw up on my dentist
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
