doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
