Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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