yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
